Genre: attempted crack, hinted angst (of course!) and fluff at the end (oh rly). real life for real.
Warnings: mpreg *evil laugh.
A/N: lol i wrote mpreg, during the several hours of distraction between topology and automata theory. it's not well written but who cares. my inspirations - a) this fabulous piece of art (except not really, but i want to promote it lol); b) jinki's hair; c) some article about dads that stay at home to bring up children and discover a sudden attraction to fast cars, expensive watches and classy whores; d) jinki's fucking hair.
Summary: Like every mpreg, just a common story of some relationship which could happen to every one of us.
Jinki had once cursed that day in his life with whole his might, and he was cursing it every day, every night and every time somebody wanted to listen to his rambling - at least until some tiny, ridiculously, unrealistically tiny hand grasped his forefinger. But even then, that event was one of those he would recall as an example of how unfortunate one (read: he) could get.
Jinki had known Kibum for three years then. Kibum was his boyfriend for one year, two months, two weeks and four days, and they were supposed to have a casual Wednesday sex, but Kibum dyed his hair brown after half of a year keeping it yellow, and as could be expected, everything turned upside down.
It was quite a memorable change in a way, still both of them treated it as a curiosity rather than something they would like to recure in future.
If it hadn't happened, Jinki would have never known how peculiar being he was.
Kibum stopped teasing him for his morning sicknesses and strange tastes only when Jinki showed him alarmingly blue strip on a pregnancy test. Jinki looked at his boyfriend with his eyes reddened from rubbing them about hundred times before he believed in what he saw.
Kibum laughed with a hint of panic in his voice, but shut up rapidly after five seconds and stayed frozen for the fifteen that came next, before he burst into tears, spasming over Jinki's chest and clenching the other guy's shirt.
"Why?!" Kibum cried, his voice unbelieving and hurt - because the heavens were against him, against them, against the logic and against the common sense. "Why you, not me?"
They learned that there were positive sides to this situation, too. Kibum had always been the caring one, so now he was making Jinki delicious meals, kept him on a healthy diet and didn't let him even touch alcohol. He also had the fun from choosing cute little clothes (with prices inversely proportional to their sizes) or decorating the room they designed to be the child's in paintings, toys and furniture.
Jinki was staying mostly at home, as in his state it wasn't possible for him to go out, but his job allowed him to work via internet anyway, so that wasn't a problem.
To be honest, everything was working better than expected, and even Kibum was getting more and more positive about the situation.
"What do you think, Jinki?" he mused once. "If you are kind of mother to him, and I'm the father, there is a huge possibility he will take the looks after me and the intellect after you!"
Kibum smiled brightly and pecked Jinki's cheek when he scowled.
"Isn't it much better then the other way round?"
Kibum was holding Jinki's hand during the whole unpleasant process of delivering the child, as Jinki had all but maternal instincts and it was one of the worst, no, THE WORST nightmare he could ever imagine. It was also Kibum who took the child from the nurses to hold it and who noticed something on the child was definitely LACKING.
"Honey?" he asked tentatively, placing the child in Jinki's arms. "I think this is kind of unpredicted..."
Jinki, exhausted and not even able to response, looked at Kibum with silent question in his eyes.
"We forgot to chose a name... for our DAUGHTER."
Kibum was naturally skilled with everything that considered a child. He could excellently change a diaper, lull to sleep, cook a meal, heat up milk or bath the baby, not even asking his mother how it should be done. It was a real talent one could discover only in such a time of need.
Anyway, they decided Jinki would stay at home to look after the baby, doing his job just like during all the past months, while Kibum would keep his job in office, so that their household would have enough money to provide for the baby's decent upbring.
Even though Jinki was slightly unsure about this way of dealing with things, they both agreed to what seemed to be the most reasonable decision.
With significant help from his boyfriend, Jinki began to learn how to become a proper dad. After a week or two he was able to cope with most of the everyday problems that were occurring while dealing with a child. He never learned how to cook though, so Kibum kept making all the meals after work and this was all working just fine, again.
At least until they started to feel that something was missing. Generally.
Kibum had always had this strange inclination towards dirty talk in bed. Jinki found it amusing in a way and maybe it wasn't much of turn on for him, but he got used to this and developed the ability of not bursting of laughing when Kibum was too much on a roll.
One day Jinki mused on how much he missed that.
Before they realized, they were celebrating their daughter's first birthday. She babbled a little watching her daddies blowing out a lonesome candle on a cake and fell asleep in Kibum's arms a moment later. He took her to her room and laid her in a cot, wrapped her in the flowery pink little blanket and kissed goodnight, praying in his mind to get a trouble-free night this one time.
God answered his prayers and they had the greatest sex in three months period of time, which was rather sad, taking into consideration that there weren't many such nights to compete with.
One day Jinki went back home from a hairdresser with his hair short and black and Kibum almost didn't recognize him, so he just scowled and expressed how this wasn't Jinki's best decision, "but he will live with that". Jinki just shrugged and admitted he wasn't really aware of what he was asking for.
Kibum failed to notice the meaning behind the action, if there was any.
Kibum had definitely too much on his hands. Work, groceries, cooking, looking after the child every afternoon, cause he was still missing the baby when he wasn't around her. Maybe he was a little bit more distant, but it wasn't like he didn't care about Jinki anymore. Actually, he cared much more than he was able to show, with all this world to cope with.
Jinki had definitely too much on his hands. Being distracted between intellectual work he was doing and the child the whole day; attempting to take care of the baby as well as Kibum would, even though he was still (and probably forever will be) kind of lacking skills in this matter. And it wasn't like he blamed anybody of this situation, but the lack of intimacy between them was making it hard for him. Really.
It was all... just a little bit frustrating. For both of them.
Frustrating. So fucking frustrating.
This way Jinki managed to make the biggest mistake in his life. Probably the biggest mistake in the life of his and his male ancestors too, but he could never be sure.
One night he just went to a club, hooked up the first girl he saw around and found mildly attractive, took her to a hotel and attempted to use his fantastic equipment the way it was created to.
But to be honest, Jinki managed to fail even in adultery. And it wasn't even for the fact that Kibum's random parts of body, popping up before his eyes, were that distracting. He just never hit on the idea there could be this one, little, unpredicted, FLOPPY technical problem about having a sexual encounter with anybody but his proper partner. And especially with a WOMAN.
Funny as it seems, Jinki got quite a shock. After all those years, he found out he was seriously, entirely and deadly devoted to his boyfriend. And seriously, entirely and deadly gay, too, by the way.
"Fuck you," Kibum cried when Jinki told him about his deed. The repentance in Jinki's voice was clearly audible but understandably Kibum wasn't in a right state of mind to consider it.
"It's over. I'm leaving. Don't even try to look for me, you bastard," he almost sobbed, packing his and baby's belongings into a suitcase, and before Jinki found the words that could somehow make him stay or at least calm him down, Kibum stormed out of the apartment with their child in his arms.
Jinki run after them, but as peculiar as he was, he was still not able to move as fast as their car did.
And that's how both of them stepped into the worst several days their relationship had ever seen.
On Day One, Jinki buried himself in work till the late evening hours. Once, out of habit, he run into their child's room to see if everything was under control, but nothing was, cause there was simply nothing - noone - there, so he ended up curling behind the cob and staring at the peach-coloured wall in front of him.
Kibum made himself comfortable in his old room in his parent's house. He was forcefully ignoring the bewildered stares that followed his every move since he showed up before them late at night the previous day. The whole afternoon he spent looking for his favourite diapers in every store possible. Cause there MUST have been those sweet little flowers on a waist band. MUST.
During Day Three Jinki was struggling to get up for the whole hour before he finally made it. He also concluded it was not very healthy to go on without eating at all, and finally decided to prepare himself a meal. Black and yellow combination of burned scrambled eggs was all he deserved for.
The baby started to cry at 5:43AM and was still crying at noon, and at the time of lunch, and during a dinner, too. Kibum's parents asked him to stay with her behind the closed doors in his room, cause his mother's migraine started its bitching around. So Kibum stayed there, shushing the baby with constant "Shhhh, don't cry, Ki-daddy is here", even though he could as well join her in her whining. He missed Ji-daddy, too.
Day Five found Jinki if front of Kibum's parent's house. With a bouquet of roses, box with chocolates and enormous stuffed bunny in hands (Jinki was never the creative one), and the greatest load in his heart possible.
Kibum's parents told him to fuck off - to be exact, to look for Kibum in the park nearby - and shut the door. Jinki spent another minute glaring at the wooden surface and moved only when the door finally returned the stare.
After asking 17 people, among which 8 gave him only a scornful stare, 5 had no idea where the park could have been, and 4 showed him four completely different directions, he spent an hour on going round in circles until he finally found the park - and Kibum with the child soon after, as the girl's cry was the most distinguishing sound ever made by a human being.
Second later the flowers ended up smashed on his head, and he was crouching behind the bench to evade the bombardment of chocolates.
Bunny watched them with indifferent eyes, while the baby chirped happily something similar to 'dada'.
Kibum left the child with his parents for the rest of the day and the night (with mumbled "it's the last time I promise" after having checked Jinki was too far away to hear).
They went to the café they had visited often when they were dating and did the standard make up talk, with lots of tears, repenting, promises, confessions and declarations of undying love. In the end Jinki kissed Kibum's forehead and asked if there was anything he could do to make this up for him. Kibum sniffed and so they spent next several hours wandering from one shop to another, buying incredible amounts of clothes, accessories and cosmetics. And nice, orange hairdye, cause Kibum "can't fucking stand you like that anymore, Jinki".
At home, they ordered Italian meal for a dinner, and ended up on the coach making out like two highschoolers, until the forgotten food was long cooled down and barely edible.
When they finally proceeded to the bedroom, somehow, all the "I want your hot seed inside me" was like celestial melody to Jinki's ears.
Next day, that fortunately happened to be Sunday, Jinki decided to take his family on a picnic out of town, and enough said, it was nice and warm day, not only in terms of weather.
On Monday, Kibum handed a resignation letter to his boss, offering to work part time on special occasions if needed. The boss frowned sceptically but nodded. Jinki went to his work, in person, and returned home with rise and position in management, which was waiting for his acceptance since long ago.
When he went inside the apartment, Kibum was just preparing a dinner - barefoot, in sweatpants and tshirt, occasionally making his most ugly faces to the baby laying on a blanket nearby, and Jinki felt the overwhelming emotion grasping his heart.
"Oh, thanks heaven Jinki, just on time. She pooed!"
Jinki sighed. Heavily.
Kibum couldn't stop laughing. He couldn't, for real.
The colour turned out to be the most orange thing he had ever seen in his life. Unexpectedly, Jinki happened to be totally unabashed by what he saw in the mirror when he dried his hair.
"Kinda like it, Kibum. I'm serious."
Kibum laughed again.
"Look at Ji-daddy, baby. Aren't you scared?"
The girl reached out her little hands towards Jinki's head and Kibum took her up so that she could pull them and make Jinki scowl in pain.
"We approve, right? It will be easy for Ki-daddy to find Ji-daddy in a mall now, yes?" Kibum kissed baby's nose and stuck out his tongue at his boyfriend.
"You will see. She will be a redhead too," Jinki squinted his eyes menacingly, sneaked the baby and run away from Kibum to the kitchen.
"You wish!" Kibum shouted back, but with undeniable hint of dread in his voice.
every comment makes my pony grow a milimeter of a horn he dreams about. let's help him become a proper unicorn.